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Club 505

505 NW Burnside
Portland, OR 97209
503/ 666.2286

Located in: Gresham & Milwaukie & near Way the hell out there

A 500-pound gorilla in its area, this club consistently delivers an unparalleled view of some serious boo-tay! Rock-n-roll juke music, cool bar staff, tasty grill vittles, triple-threat of stages, 2x pool, full bar and plenty’a video crack. Definitely worth nighttime trek from Portland (or maybe from Boise for that matter) to Gresham to take a look. Daily top shelf drink specials. 2-for-1 doms (regularly $3.50), and well drinks (regularly $4.25) 4:30-6:30pm everyday. (KC)

Happy Hours

  • Monday – Daily top shelf drink specials. 2-for-1 doms (regularly $3.50), and well drinks (regularly $4.25) 4:30-6:30pm
  • Tuesday – Daily top shelf drink specials. 2-for-1 doms (regularly $3.50), and well drinks (regularly $4.25) 4:30-6:30pm
  • Wednesday – Daily top shelf drink specials. 2-for-1 doms (regularly $3.50), and well drinks (regularly $4.25) 4:30-6:30pm
  • Thursday – Daily top shelf drink specials. 2-for-1 doms (regularly $3.50), and well drinks (regularly $4.25) 4:30-6:30pm
  • Friday – Daily top shelf drink specials. 2-for-1 doms (regularly $3.50), and well drinks (regularly $4.25) 4:30-6:30pm
  • Saturday – Daily top shelf drink specials. 2-for-1 doms (regularly $3.50), and well drinks (regularly $4.25) 4:30-6:30pm
  • Sunday – Daily top shelf drink specials. 2-for-1 doms (regularly $3.50), and well drinks (regularly $4.25) 4:30-6:30pm

ACCORDING to www.RichardThruster.com

How Old Is Your Baby?: The 505 Club

No doubt by now you’ve seen the Britney Spears video from last weekend’s VMA awards down in Vegas. If you haven’t, you can see it here. She’s been getting absolutely pasted in both the press and the blogosphere. She definitely sleepwalked through the whole thing and I suspect would have rather been anywhere else. But Girlfriend’s gotta make a living, and so a living she makes.

The other major criticism centered on her appearance. They say she looked fat and jiggly. Personally I didn’t see it that way, but that’s just me. Could she have worn something different? Yeah. Clearly she doesn’t have the body for that outfit, but compared to the majority of American women, Britney is still looking damned good. She should be an inspiration to baby’s mamas nationwide.

Why invoke the name of Britney when I’m getting ready to review another club? Well, as I sat at the rail tonight, all I could think of was how Britney would stack up with the girls of East County. I gotta tell you, she’d look pretty good.

The 505 has been on my list of places to check out for a long time. I always stumble across it when I’m trying to get from one place to another and make a note to come back. Before tonight though, I couldn’t have told you where it was. It’s here. Basically I drove out Division until I got bored, then turned left. A quick left on Burnside and I was there.

Like most clubs in the area, the 505 appears to have had another intended use at one time. I’m gonna guess it used to be a Skippers. Maybe a Wendy’s. Whatever. You can still see the drive-thru running along side the building. I think that stuff is kinda cool when I find it. It’ll never beat watching girls dance across the buffet table at the old North’s Chuckwagon, but it’ll do.

As with all clubs, I never quite know what to expect walking in. It being a Friday night, a cover of some sort is certainly the norm and I was prepared to pay. As I entered, I looked immediately for a bouncer and a cash register. What I found was a guy leaning up against a video poker machine and a girl thumbing through the jukebox. No bouncers. No $5. Just a couple of pool tables, a couple of stages, and a bar. No frills. It’s places like this that I could seriously get used to.

I sat down at the middle stage with my beer (a 22-plus ounce glass of Coors Light for $3.75! I defy you to find a better bargain anywhere in town) and proceeded to check out the show. Evidently I came in at the end of the current set. The girl hurried over to me, sat down on the rail, and immediately gave me a shot of her crotch. She is the first dancer I’ve ever seen who hasn’t shaved a thing down below. I was taken aback for a moment. Wow. I was going to make a bearded clam joke, but I’ve been told that’s beneath me. So I won’t.

She quickly left the stage and the next girl popped up. There was no dj to announce the rotation and there was no intermission between songs. It all happened bang bang bang. So I have no idea who was who in there. I’m still not sure what to think of the no-dj thing. It’s like being in the Bada Bing. Only without the mobsters.

The next girl was a little younger than the last. Probably early-20s. Shoulder-length curly brunette hair. Iset my dollar down on the rail and before I could reach for my beer, she had her butt right in my face. She wore a matching outfit with a cherry theme. Cherries, at least in the adult industry, are used to infer a certain innocence. It’s been my experience however that nothing could be further from the truth. Please witness the slutty goodness of Cherry Rain and the one-trick-pony known as Cherry Poppens. In the case of my new 505 girl, the stretch marks up and down her torso tell me her innocence has been gone for some time. Be that as it may, she gave a decent show with plenty of the eye contact that drives me wild.

As cherry-girl did her wiggling for guys down the rail, I took a look around the place. There are three stages placed in a row across the seating area with a couple of tables off to the side for folks who don’t want to tip. It’s not especially well lit and there are no lighting effects like you might see at the D2. The walls, ceiling, and stages are all painted black. I was hesitant to use the restroom, but found it clean and stocked. For a neighborhood place, it’s pretty decent.

The music struck me as kind of annoying. It was a lot of early-90s “alternative”. Heavy on the Alice In Chains and Nine Inch Nails. I thought about that for a second and realized those tunes are to the 20-somethings what Motley Crue and Def Leppard are to guys my age. That said, if you’re not gonna play hip-hop (I got 99 problems, but a bitch ain’t one!), butt-rock is the only way to go. But that’s just one man’s opinion.

The stage had cleared out by the time the next girl came up. Her name, I found out, was Nicole. Not an especially creative stage name, but whatever. It was gonna be her and me for three songs. She wore a short nightie that went just past her waist and a bikini bottom. Honestly I thought she was with child when I first took a look at her. About 4 or 5 months. But after a few minutes, I figured out it was the Britney effect. Only she didn’t look as though she’d had a kid. She was cute though. Dark skin. Beautiful breasts. And some shimmery lipstick completed her look. Since it was just her and me, she spent the whole set either lying on the rail in front of me, or bent over holding on to the pole. It was the best $5 table dance I’ve ever received.

At the end of the set, she leaned over and asked if I’d like a private dance. Well, of course I would. But only if I could bring my beer. She assured me I could and away we went.

The private dance area is kind of funky. It’s basically an easy chair in one corner, slightly obscured by a curtain of beads. We headed back, hand-in-hand, only to find the chair already occupied by an older gentleman waiting for his dance to begin. It’s a little disconcerting to look and find another man sitting, legs wide open, in a seat you’ll soon be occupying for the purposes of receiving a dance. I suppose it’s not unlike sitting on a couch at the D2 or anywhere else, but still. The site of another man about to receive a lap dance is a buzz kill. Nicole turned and let me know we’d have to wait a few songs for our moment. So back to the rail I went.

The next girl had yet to begin her set. She was busy wiping down the edge of the stage where Nicole had recently been. I chuckled a little before heading over to the video poker machines. I held my own for several minutes before Nicole came over and asked me to join her.

I took my place in the chair and we chatted while we waited for the next song to come up. Nicole tells me she’s been at the 505 for about six months and she liked it so far. Actually she clasped her chest and announced she loved her job. If she liked it there, where half the patrons paid no attention to the stage, I bet she’d really like it somewhere else around town. But it’s Gresham, and really…why leave? There was a civilian in there who was wearing the same hairstyle she had in her high school yearbook circa 1989 along with the same sweater. If Gresham is good enough for her…

Soon the song changed and Nicole immediately disrobed. Butt naked, as an old friend of mine would say. She then placed one foot on each arm of the chair and proceeded to give me an up-close look at every square inch of her body. Whenever our skin touche, say arm to leg, she’d flinch and apologize. There are OLCC rules about such things, whereas at Jiggles, naked girls can climb right up into your lap. So Nicole went through her paces. Halfway through she turned around, bent over and jammed her crotch right in my face.

“Well hello,” I said.

She giggled.

I thought briefly about blowing on her, but thought better of it. The girls go through enough in there and don’t need me blowing on their genitals for a thrill. Besides as I’m finding, you treat them with a little respect and you’ll be rewarded handsomely.

Our time ended, she put her two-piece back on, and headed back to the stage. Things were a little busier this time around, so the show wasn’t as good, but she did convey her appreciation to me. So that’s always nice.

When she left, I only had a single dollar left. The next girl earned every last bit of it. A petite blonde with freckles, she put on a show on the pole. She did the Jewel “hang upside down from the rafter” thing which is always nice to see. She didn’t do it nearly as well though. She came over to me, turned around, and threw her body back into mine. Rubbing my head, she gave me her best fake-pornstar moan and blew into my ear. Nice, I guess. But I just wasn’t into it

My last dollar spent, I headed back into the night. The 505 is actually a pretty decent place. There are plenty of beers on tap and the kitchen looks to be open all hours. The girls are a step-up from the Cabaret II and you can’t beat the lack of cover. If you find yourself in East County, you can do worse.

Posted by Richard Thruster, filed under 505 Club. Date: September 15, 2007, 1:42 pm | No Comments »

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